There's a great scene in Rocky I where grumpy Paulie asks Rocky, his soon-to-be brother-in-law, why he wants to marry Adrian. His response is classic Balboa and a phrase I've built my business on. "Gaps. She's got gaps. I got gaps. Together we fill the gaps." I mean, could there be a better reason to tie the knot?
First, semantics. Filling gaps is better than bridging gaps because solid ground is critical when it comes to making an unlikely or risky connection. Don't leave anything to chance. Fill it!
Now what gaps are we talking about? Well, any really. Gaps between employees and employers. A gap in your identity or between where you are and where you want to be. A spiritual gap between you and a desired connection to deity. The principles are fairly straight forward and applicable on a wide scale.
Identify the problem and the players
Gather and utilize the best tools
Build by making the right connections
Step one is the who and what. Fairly simple to recognize but don't take it too lightly. Sometimes there are hidden players that make a difference.
Steps two and three are the how.
Tools: My number one trusty tool and immediate go-to is communication. There are plenty of other tools and resources, but nothing else matters if you can't get a handle on this one.
Build: Ever tried to fill a pothole with foreign material? It doesn't work. The fill needs to be indigenous, in other words, common. No matter how far the distance there will be something common and you have to find it. Once it's found, both players must contribute and use the same tools.
Here are two examples:
GENERATIONAL (Employer: "I can't connect to my younger employees")
I can beat Bowzer like he's nothing in Super Mario Bros on Nintendo or Nintendo Wii. But when my kids hand me an XBox controller, I'm totally incompetent. Like, why-does-my-guy-keep-looking-at-the-sky, incompetent. And why are there SO MANY BUTTONS?
The gap between Gens X and Z is substantial. For starters, we're the first generation of parents raising kids with smart phones, and I have a hard time imagining a more profound cultural gap. As techy as you may be, if you didn't own a smart phone as a teen, you truly can't know what it's like.
Identify: PROBLEM: Cultural gap PLAYERS: Gens X and Z
Tool: Open, honest and clear communication. The phrase, "I may not understand you but I'm fully here to see you" is a good start.
Build: Take turns using the tool, saying the phrase and gradually adding bits of validation and vulnerability. Find solutions together.
FAMILIAL (My dad doesn't get me)
Maybe it's partly generational, but I deal with more clients who struggle connecting to a family member than I'd like to. It's ironic families are often the source of our greatest joys and yet our greatest trials as well.
Identify: PROBLEM: Family gap PLAYERS: Parent and child
Tools: Therapy, coaching, really anything that can help aid (you guessed it) communication.
Build: What's often the common ground in families is love. As it should be, right? Identify someone or something both players love. That can be a strong connection, a ground.
Please write this down:
Whatever the question, the answer is Love.
This two-minute read is oversimplified for sure. Gaps can be complex, and filling them often requires a significant time investment. But the steps aren't any more elaborate. So you have to ask yourself what it's worth to you to connect. Are you in for the long game? If so, trust the process. It works.
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