Don't Make This Mistake When Giving Advice

Are you one of the lucky ones who often gets asked for advice?

Thankfully, I am. And in those moments, instinctively excited to impart wisdom from a breadth of experience, I fall into the trap so many eager parents and leaders fall into.

We tend to get this one thing wrong. We have good answers, but answers aren't all that's being sought. What do we get wrong when asked for advice? We immediately give it.

I learned long ago that the best coaches are great listeners.

Coaches (my terminology for leaders) are generally classified as talkers, instructors, as givers of information and expertise and advice. So naturally, they take thise qualities to heart. But what good is good advice if it's not going to be heard? To be heard, we must first connect. And the best way to connect is...you guessed it. To listen.

It's the only way to discover the real issue. Those real issues are illusive. Leaders are in a position to make a difference so those real issues are critical.

Quick tip: As you hone your listening skills, keep this in mind. Don't listen with the intent to find the right answer. Listen to find the right question. Keep them talking. Asking focused questions allows others to discover for themselves solutions that make the best sense for them. They'll follow through better when it's their idea, anyway. (They may still think it came from you - but humbly acknowledge you were just the guy holding the flashlight while they did the dirty work.)

You probably know two kinds of parents: those who are close with their kids, and those whose kids avoid them. Guess what the differentiator is. Connecting with teenagers can be especially challenging. Rather than spewing unsolicited suggestions, show them your interest first. Seek to see them, hear them, and when it comes to connection, do it on their terms.

You probably know two kinds of bosses: those who lead a productive team, and those who struggle with production and turnover. Guess what the differentiator is. According to a 2025 Gallup survey, employees who feel understood by their managers are five times more likely to stay with the organization.*

So despite your eagerness to share, make connections (and impact!) by learning to bite your tongue. Show them first that you care by receiving what they're offering. Receive it all without judgement. Not only is it the mark of a leader, it's your ticket in. And trust me, if we want to make a difference, we need that door to stay open.

*2025 Gallup