Beginning as last week: Our relationships are possibly the biggest contributing factor of who we become in life.
There is a combination of associations that create optimal balance in an individual’s life, paving the way for success. We need three types of people to help us reach our goals.
We need coaches. We need teammates. And we need fans.
TEAMMATES
It's my favorite of the three relationships to discuss because it’s the most insightful and productive. Examination of your teammates is eye-opening.
Of the three, quality teammates may be the most difficult of the relationships to identify. We love our friends. We want them all to be good teammates but the ugly truth of it is… they may not be.
We tend to become like the people closest to us. This is why we develop accents and learn behaviors. In this scene, nature is battling nurture and losing. It's wise to be careful who we surround ourselves with.
Water-balloons
My dad and I attended a day camp for fathers and daughters when I was nine or ten. The weather was nice, there were snacks and games, it could have been such a lovely time. But someone introduced a competition.
A water-balloon toss. Catching isn’t my best skill. After several rounds Dad was getting pretty frustrated with my ineptitude. He was just playing around but this guy has a bit of an arm on him. He wound up and drilled me in the stomach with our last water-balloon.
Unfortunately the balloons used that day weren’t the industry standard-strength water-balloons. They were the heavy duty stuff and very, VERY hard to break. It knocked me off my feet and took the wind out of me.
I wasn’t happy with my teammate and he wasn’t happy with his.
We weren’t unified in our goal. I certainly wanted to win, but not at the expense of breathing! And winning wasn’t my top priority. Did I mention there were snacks? He wanted to win. It was a competition after all and we should’ve owned it.
The thing about teammates is, it’s not the person that matters so much. It’s the alignment. Do they share the same goals and focus? Thankfully, Dad and I have had other opportunities to work as a team. I think we’ve improved.
Hallmarks
A team with all its members shares one common vision. A true teammate knows how to lose himself in sight of the common goal and is willing to make personal sacrifices. Then, with perfect synergy, the whole can truly become more than the sum of its parts. He wants his teammates to be their best and will push them to it. Here are some hallmarks of the right kind of teammate:
wants what’s best for you even if it’s hard on him. (Notice, he wants what’s best! That doesn’t mean he always wants you to have what you want)
knows how to build off your efforts. He compensates for your weaknesses not by exploiting them but by leveraging them, in turn giving you his best efforts so that you can build from them with your strengths
challenges you in the best ways, contributes personally to your efforts, and amplifies your strengths. Like a coach, he's not afraid to hurt your feelings when it’s what you need... so toughen up
doesn't look out for number one, the team is his number one. When you find someone who cares more about what’s best for you than what he wants, you’ve found a teammate
You’ll recognize him by his focus. It’ll never be on himself.
Partner
Kelly and I have been teammates on a variety of ventures. There have been times when we were horrible teammates. If you want to test your marriage... work together!
When those difficult times come, we have to apply the rules of coaching to make sure we align. We connect, communicate, and champion. Realigning puts us back on track to being good teammates.
True teams see successes as ours and failures as ours, no matter what. There's no blame nor shame, only unity. No jealousy nor comparison. We pick up after each other and we pick each other up. Want to secure a marriage? Become a team.
World Series Loss
Mariano Rivera, Hall of Fame pitcher for the Yankees lost the 2001 world series in game seven to the Diamondbacks. The loss was unexpected and an especially devastating blow to Rivera, who allowed the winning run.
There’s a story in the shadows of this championship though. Rivera’s friend and teammate, Enrique Wilson, was confident his team would win game seven and his travel plans back home to the Dominican Republic accounted for post-game celebrations in New York.
When his team lost, he decided to change his flight and head home earlier. Flight 587 from JFK never made it to the Dominican Republic. It crashed shortly after departure and all passengers plus several civilians on the ground were killed.
At spring training the following year, Mariano Rivera said something I doubt anyone else has said. “I’m glad we lost the world series.” Flight 587 was Wilson’s original flight. A game seven win would’ve not only ended Wilson’s career, but his life as well. “I still have my friend,” was Rivera’s explanation. That’s what mattered.
Rivera won five World Series, one more after this loss. Enrique Wilson never won the fall classic, but he won a lifelong teammate.
Co-Dependent
I tend toward co-dependency, do you? It’s difficult for me to make decisions, big and small, on my own. If you’re the same way, I recommend finding some good lit on co-dependency and diving in. Or you could call a coach!
Since my mom passed, I’ve been forced to re-route my dependency. It’s been clumsy to say the least, but I’ve gradually learned to seek direction from a higher source, One that can be trusted totally. Heaven will not disappoint in the end.
If you find yourself at the mercy of your influencers, peel away. Hit your knees. There is only One with Whom co-dependency is a healthy choice.
Remember the key hallmark of a teammate - his focus. Never on himself.
Evaluate
Let’s wrap this up. Teammates make you better. They accelerate your progress.
Look at the past year of your life. Have you accomplished all you set out to? If not, check your teammates.
If you know better than you do, check your teammates.
If you get inspired about something, then feel something pulling you back, check your teammates.
If you’re not sure how to check your teammates, call your coach.
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