I live in the sticks so when big weather hits, it’s not uncommon for us to lose power. I remember a very disappointing Christmas Eve with a ruined dinner. Homemade rolls were rising and the ham and potatoes had just entered the oven when the lights went out.
Luckily I’d made the chocolate cake ahead of time so it became our main course and quite the celebratory sustenance. Come to think of it, dinner wasn’t ruined, just pleasantly rerouted.
Myself and my "power"less neighbors know the ritual. Call and report the outage to the power company’s control room. They take our information and give us an estimated time of restoration.
Lesson One:
Knowing help is on its way makes it easier to sit in the dark with some candles and chocolate cake and wait it out.
Why are we talking about this?
What if you had your own emotional command center?
In a nutshell, a “control room” is a space designated for the monitoring of remote operations. Basically it’s the place for collaborating, planning, analyzing and ensuring effective operation of an entire business/industry.
If you want to feel free, confident, and totally in control of yourself a majority of the time, you need a figurative space–a control room if you will–designed perfectly, comfortably, and uniquely to you.
If you had a personal place to assess stressful situations efficiently, how often would you use it? If you had a room where you could establish expectations and plan reasonable responses, would that be helpful?
Well you do, so let's open some doors.
Lesson Two:
In life, frustrating situations are guaranteed. Frustration doesn't have to be. When you feel yourself losing control, find your room.
The Set-Up
Do I need to make it clear it's not an actual place? It could be any number of places, just needs to be void of distraction. Why? Lao Tzu answers,
"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
So don't have any outside influence in your control room - no phone, no television, no friends. It's where you'll go to really get a grip on yourself and your life. Only you can do that.
Once your mind is stilled, you you have two objectives:
1) Gather information
2) Damage control
The power company requires control rooms to be manned 24/7. Thankfully this is not the case for your personal command center. We have to live and work in the real world, so 'checking out’ isn’t an option most of the time. But ‘checking in’ to our safe space occasionally makes living in the real world more pleasant.
If managed well and visited regularly, your operations will be efficient and productive.
The Approach
When you enter your control room, check in. Be very aware of your thoughts and feelings so you can identify which ones are true. Data collection needs to be done objectively so do your best to debrief honestly.
I’ve adopted this phrase from a friend who says, “Be where you are.” He uses it on his kids when they're staring at their phones instead of engaging in conversation. But I love how many applications it can have. When you go into your control room, be where you are.
Next, start talking to yourself. It doesn't need to be audible and it shouldn't be scripted. Remember the objectives ^. Process the data, then talk to yourself about solutions (I'll give some tips next week on this).
Just remember to approach with vulnerability, compassion, and a humble, open mind.
Warning
You'll wish you had a dollar for every time you say,
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me."
Shout out TS, you nailed that one. Guess what... finding out you're the problem is A GOOD THING! Here's why; You control you.
Mindful
I know what you’re thinking and yes, your control room has a lot of similarities to mindfulness.
If you research the important components of mindfulness you’ll find words like these:
Non judgement, patience, beginners mind, acceptance,
non-action, curiosity, letting go, awareness.
Which is your favorite? Which do you struggle with?
My control room mantra is this; CONNECT
When I enter my control room it looks a lot like prayer. In fact for me it often is prayer. Connect to deity. Connect to a departed loved one. Connect to the wiser, healthier, very best version of you, your inner child, your inner Yoda, whoever helps you the most!
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of meditation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom.” Buddha
Peaceful people have control rooms.
If you're not convinced
Think of the benefits:
Like when waiting for power to be restored, this quiet place helps you see your problems as temporary. See Lesson One ^^
You can focus and prioritize without outside influence.
You can acknowledge frustrations in a safe environment, free from potential fallout.
You can set realistic expectations. There's tremendous power in expectations!
You'll make important and influential discoveries there.
There are risks in not having a control room. Without taking the time to assess, report and regroup, there’s chaos. In fact if your life is seemingly unbalanced, you should check on your control room.
Remember the objective is to gain control. And understand that like mindfulness, it does take practice.
This was a quick overview. In coaching sessions we get a deep dive. Know for now that there are some important features which are absolutely critical to your control room and how well you utilize these components will directly affect your level of control.
Over the next couple weeks I’ll share my favorites.
For now, find a quiet place and time and start talking to yourself.
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