Relationships Lead to Success: FANS

Arizona National Guard

I was playing in a basketball game one time when I stole the ball and headed for a fast break. As my defender turned I caught her foot on mine and took a good dive onto the hardwood.

Not only was it painful, it was ugly from the bleachers.

The refs didn’t stop the game - didn’t even blow a whistle. Instead of attending to me they kept focus on the game. So, in the middle of play, my dad stormed the court. Words were exchanged and he was asked to exit the gym.

Fans are concerned about one thing: you.

Previous blogs recap; Our relationships are possibly the biggest contributing factor of who we become in life. There is a combination of associations that create optimal balance in an individual’s life, paving the way for success. We need three types of people to help us reach our goals. We’ve looked at coaches and teammates. Lastly, we need fans.

I guess I should’ve said there was an attempt to throw him out. They weren’t successful. He wasn’t about to go down without a fight. He told the officials they’d have to bring in the Arizona National Guard to escort him out of that gym if they really wanted him out of there.

He stayed. I was fine by the way. Our trainer took care of me while Dad was facing off. A minor concussion and an embarrassing parent story to add to my file.

Who’s your ride or die?

There are a handful of people I know I could call in a bind. All they’d need is a time and a place on my word and I know they’d be there. A couple of them may come prepared with a body bag and an alibi cuz they’re extra like that. These are my fans.

Fans never say “I told you so” when you fail. They’ll say something like, “You’ll get ‘em next time” or “You’re the coolest” and play up your strengths. They do this because they do truly, authentically, think you’re the coolest.

We come by some fans naturally, in our families. Some we pick up later. A fan is with you all the way. Their unconditional love stains you when life gets dicey.

If you don’t think you have a fan, you probably have a grandma and she’s just as good. If you don’t have a grandma, you can call mine - she’ll take ya.

Why you need them

Self-esteem isn't reliable and self-confidence tends to wane. Both are subject to comparison, which is never healthy. Having someone who loves you for no reason is what gives you wings. Not having to worry about your value being contingent on your performance - that's freeing.

When life gets scary, and it will, you’ll need to know who is cheering you on - even (and especially) if you’re doing something sketchy, risky or plain stupid.

True, we need checks and balances, people to warn us when we’re about to jump off a cliff. That’s what coaches and teammates are for.

Ask yourself who’s going to applaud the jump. Because you need those people too!

Relationships - Sum-up

Some differences in the three roles should be noted.

Fans are in the stands. They’re not always privy to the intricacies of your situation. They’re just there for you, rain or shine, win or lose. Cheering you on.

Teammates are in the trenches. They know your situation intimately, though they may have a little different investment or challenge. The bonds you make with them will be real and lasting.

Coaches watch closely but they’re a step away. They know exactly where you’ve been and hold tremendous value with that perspective. Respect it and take their advice above all else. They know what it takes.

All Three

A smaller handful of people in my life occupy each of these roles at different times. Kelly is my go-to. He’s always my fan, often my teammate, and when I let him, he’s one of the best coaches I know.

When you find someone who can be all three, depending on what you need at the time, there’s a gem. Value them for the rare gift they are and do your best to reciprocate.

Learn to distinguish relationships in your life and how that influence matters. It'll give you all the tools you'll ever need.

Then, be the right person for those who have let you occupy a sacred space in their lives.